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Armenians have a rich musical history, so that may be the reason why Armenians love pianos. Children around the world may be raised to enjoy a wide variety of musical instruments, the average Armenian child will have only known the piano. Walk into an Armenian home and you are likely to find a piano (whether it is gathering dust or not is another topic).

The kids will have most likely been dragged to piano lessons every week, in hopes that the children would soon become great prodigies. The piano will take a prominent place in the home and though you will see music on the music stand, chances are that the child nor the parents pay any attention to playing the piano.

So as Armenians, we love our pianos, but if we are honest as a people, the piano serves more as a decorative aesthetic rather than a functional instrument.

Armenians love Satellite TV. Actually, Armenians love TV (period). TV is used for entertainment purposes, educational purposes, and to pacify the screaming child. It is used as decoration, as art, and a way to pacify old men. The greatest discovery for Armenians in the last 15 years is the Satellite TV. And it’s not just to get the channels from the Middle East, but it’s the idea that you can have thousands of channels.

That’s right. Armenians love the idea that their TV can get thousands of channels–regardless whether 997 of those channels are worth watching (generally, they are not). Some people may choose cable as a means of getting those channels, but Armenians don’t get cable. Armenians love Satellite TV. And if they are good Armenians, they have probably invested in the biggest satellite money can buy, for the bigger the satellite the better the signal (right?).

The gift that keeps on giving in the Armenian community is that one of our most common words, “Hi” is a homonym for Armenians. In Armenian, “Armenian” is “hye.” (Pronounced ‘hi’)

So Armenians will naturally write, “Hi” as “Hye” (especially in emails). You can identify an Armenian whenever you see the “Hi” or even “High” spelled “Hye”. So businesses will be called things like “Hye Quality.” To the untrained mind, it may seem that these Armenians can’t spell (of course, they may not be able to spell, but this is not what should press you to conclude that).

In my opinion, spelling things “Hye” is cute and witty the first couple times. Maybe the third and fourth time as well. But it’s no longer creative or unique to do that. Of course, spelling things “Hye” may be a way to communicate to others that “I am Armenian.” But we have to remember, that sometimes that may be more of a liability than an asset (depending on how people perceive / judge Armenians)

This may seem an unfair post. There may seem nothing unique about Armenians and their cars. Most boys (especially between the ages of 16 and 40) seem to like their cars suped-up, with the latest and dopest thing attached that makes a noise for the neighbors to hear.

Armenians (especially the men) love to not only supe-up their cars, but they love suping up their suped-up cars. Armenians will stop at nothing to supe-up their vehicle. And though some Armenians may be able to afford a late model Cadillac Escalade, most are suping up their ‘81 Tercel. I’m not sure how you can supe up a Tercel, but thank God for the creative brain he has given an Armenian.

New rims, new wheels, new air freshner, and the car may seem as good as new, ready to hit the party scene on a Friday night.

Americans have chips and salsa. Armenians have pistachio nuts. At every Armenian gathering, you always have mixed nuts with the pistachio nut forming the foundation of the nut dish. Along with pistachio nuts, you’ll also see different kinds of seeds.

Now there is a proper way of eating these nuts. You grab a handful of the nuts and seeds. And though there may be some things in your hand that you don’t care for, it is improper etiquette to return that seed back to the plate. Also, it shows your weakness as a nut eater.

If you don’t believe me that Armenians love their nuts (especially the pistachio nuts), take a close look at an Armenian’s two front teeth. That’s right, that little groove you see is there after years of nut and seed eating.

Armenians love their nuts.

Most people probably know (intuitively if not scientifically) that inhaling toxins in the form of a cigarette into your system is not good for you. Over the years the medical, scientific and civic communities have tried to make much publicity about the downsides of smoking.

But that message may have either been skipped over by the Armenian community or maybe Armenians just don’t care. Armenians love smoking. It is a rite of passage for every thirteen year old boy to go through a pack of ciggies before school is out.

Smoking is natural for Armenians. If every country were to ban smoking, Philip Morris would still have a solid market among Armenians. The aroma of the cigarette (usually cigarettes and rarely cigars or pipes) becomes part of the Armenian person. Some of us know that we have never really smelled our parent’s natural body odor because the cigarette has done a pretty good job covering it up for as long as we’ve known our parent.

If you want to date or bond or just get to know an Armenian, it is safe to say that offering a few cigarettes to them and smoking with them would build the necessary trust

I am not joking when I say that I have heard several Armenians tell me that Andre Agassi’s original name was actually Agassian. This former champion is in fact half-Armenian. His father is of Armenian ancestry from Iran. Because Andre Agassi has an ounce of Armenian in him, he is automatically loved/adored by Armenians. Armenians love their own and Agassi is one of their own.

It doesn’t matter whether Andre cares much for the Armenian community or if he is at all in touch with that part of his life. It doesn’t even matter if Andre despises Armenians because affiliation covers all other sins.

If Andre were a no-name plumber, he would not be that loved by Armenians. But because Andre is someone famous, he is automatically plunged to the top of the “People Armenians Love” list. The key theme here is that Armenians love their own. They love to see their own accomplish great things. I used to watch Andre Agassi play and I did idolize him during my teenage years. But not once did I hear Andre Agassi acknowledge and embrace his Armenianness. But who cares because for Armenians seeing someone like Andre accomplish all that he has accomplished is a lesson to the younger generation that you too can be an Armenian champion when you grow up.

Armenians love to eat. And who can blame us? Armenian food is fantastic. But sometimes it seems that Armenians like to talk about food more than eating food. How did it taste? How did it look? Does it stand to Medz-Mama’s recipe? And of course the ultimate question of all: Aghe keecher? (Did it lack salt?)

Armenians always have to give their two-cents about a meal they just tasted—especially when they are invited to another’s home. Because no meal is ever perfect or even decent, the food that someone has labored all day will never meet the standard of an Armenian person.

A dinner party on Saturday night will be talked about on the phone lines (especially among the women) for days to come. Some of it is debriefing the meal, some of it is complaining, some of it is gossip (did you see what she wore?), and some of it may just be that the women like to hear themselves talk (in no way was that intended as a sexist comment, just an observation).

I hate to break the news to you, but if you have hosted an Armenian person for dinner, just know that everything about your party is fodder for  conversation in the coming week. But don’t worry, the chatter will die down by Monday morning of the following week when the next host’s meal is debriefed.

Who doesn’t like jewelry? Everyone likes the bling around their neck, fingers, wrists and wherever else it’s appropriate to sport your bling. But Armenians, they like their yellow gold. Though there are plenty of other gems that one can wear, none compares to the yellow gold. The yellow gold is the (pardon the pun) the gold standard of jewelry for Armenians. Thick, heavy yellow gold. It has to be yellow. The yellower and heavier the more likely that the person wearing it is in touch with his or her Armenianness.

Now notice, I said “his or her.” That’s because Armenians of all walks of life love their yellow gold. Men and women love the feel of this gem against the human body. Armenians will sport their yellow gold for all to see, flashing the bling with much pride.

But Armenians are not just about wearing the bling, but selling it. Just take a stroll in any jewelry district anywhere in the world (and I mean anywhere) and you’ll likely find a higher percentage of Armenians selling the stuff. And of course, as good Armenians, they will offer you a “very good deal.”

Though some people like gold as part of their financial portfolio, that’s not of interest to Armenians. The only kind of gold that they want is the kind that you wear and you sport for others to see. The idea that gold is a commodity to be invested in is foreign to Armenians. Gold is the stuff you wear to make you look pretty (and important) to others.

There are many ways Armenians may sport their yellow gold. The most popular is by attaching a thick cross to a thick chain. Nothing quite captures worshipping the Lord Jesus like honoring his gruesome death with a gold rendition of that event.

The yellow gold industry does not have to worry of going out of business anytime soon. As long as there are Armenians in the world, there is a market for yellow gold.

Armenians love their coffee. In Armenia, the food pyramid has Coffee at the very bottom of the pyramid providing a much needed healthy foundation to the Armenian nutritional system. And of course, it is not just any type of coffee. Armenians are not downing the Frappuccinos three or four times a day. Instead, they are drinking “Turkish Coffee.”

Now this is one of the paradoxes of the Armenian people—the national beverage is named after their much hated enemy. Some Armenians have re-branded the “Turkish Coffee” by calling it “Haygagan Soorj.” But we all know that whatever you call it, it’s still “Turkish Coffee.”

Some Armenians will swear that the only way to drink this bitter drug is to add sugar to it. Armenians are still at a loss as to what is the most authentic way of drinking this nectar of the gods. Do you drink it black or add two sugars? At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter because the drink is still bitter.

Though it looks like an espresso shot, Turkish Coffee is everything but that. You can see and feel the fine grounds of the coffee making their way through the gaps of your teeth and sliding down your throat like mud. Armenians would inject this if they could. They drink it four or five times a day. It is often drank with a cigarette (or two) and there is nearly always the customary reading of the cup upon completion where the Armenian realizes for the upteenth time that their is “trouble looming on the horizon.”