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I have already mentioned that Armenians love their coffee. But what I didn’t elaborate on is how much Armenians love to read the coffee cups after they are done drinking their Turkish Coffee. You can get the history of reading coffee cups here.

The argument of where we Armenians got the idea that we can get our fortunes from these bitter grains, is like which came first the chicken or the egg. Turks will claim that they perfect the art and we Armenians stole it, whereas we Armenians will claim that the Turks stole it from us, like everything else.

Regardless, Armenians believe (and I mean BELIEVE) that your cup of coffee WILL tell your fortune. This is no joke or child’s play. The lines will reveal whether you will get married, how many kids you have, if you will die soon and whether you should invest your money in Philip Morris. In other words, Armenians believe that when all else fails the coffee will declare your fortunes.

What baffles me is that Armenians are pretty religious people (after all, we are the first Christian nation), and you would think that turning to God and the Scriptures may offer vision and direction in life. But, I don’t think it would be as much of a hit at the patio table pulling out a Bible after drinking coffee.

So how do you read a coffee cup like an Armo? First, you drink out the coffee and leave some of the grounds on the bottom. You flip the cup over and wait a few minutes for the grounds to stain their way down the cup, then you need to find an older woman to do it. She will be known (and trusted) as the person who reads coffee cups. And once Aunty settles herself in her chair with a serious look, she will put on her glasses and look into the cup. Her first response will be something like, “hmmm… oh … ok… wow!” You become excited. What is she about to say? And then she will see lines which mean something. She will see a house and claim that you are moving. She will see a broken heart and shake her head and curse that you will not find true love.

If you are disappointed by the read, don’t worry! The next time you drink a cup, you just flip it again and you will most likely get a completely different read.

Enough Said

The cream of the crop vehicle for Armenians is the Mercedes. Nothing comes close to owning a Benz. In fact, owning a 10 year old Mercedes is a much better option (especially for status purposes) than owning a brand new vehicle–even a Lexus.

That’s right, with so many beautiful cars on the road, only a Mercedes will do as an appropriate luxury car for an Armenian.

The Mercedes was probably the first luxury vehicle, and Armenians know that owning one reflected to the rest of the world that they had made it in life or business or whatever.

But sometimes it may go beyond a status symbol. It may even be a point of pride. Pride that I own one and you don’t. (Full Disclaimer: I don’t own one). But Armenian pride is never meant to be hurtful toward anyone. So if you feel insulted by another Armenian because of your car, remember that if you are Armenian, chances are that one day you too will own a Benz.

If an Armenian owns a Benz, what you will usually see in an Armenian household is that the other car is a beat up 1982 Tercel (I think Toyota made a Tercel back in the early 80s). The drive to church, birthday parties, and Sunday afternoon BBQs will always be in the Benz. It is not just a status symbol, it is the symbol of accomplishment and satisfaction!

I love Armenian food. There is no question in my mind that Armenian food is objectively the best food out there, and nothing beats Armenian food that is grilled. Armenians know how to BBQ. But Armenians won’t BBQ with the new gas grill you pick up at your Home Depot for a couple of G’s. Nope… When Armenians BBQ, they get the coal out and the most important piece of cooking equipment—the cardboard.

On any given weekend afternoon, there are bound to be old Armenian men, with cigarettes in hand waving an old piece of cardboard above the grill, as a way to increase windflow or redirect the smoke from the kebabs. I’ve never really understood the purpose of the cardboard. And I’ve asked. I’ve asked Grandpa and Dad why we use an old piece of cardboad. “What purpose does it serve?” I ask innocently.

The response is always the same. “That’s the way you BBQ!” It never really satisfied my curiosity. But whenever I’m BBQing some kebabs, I find myself ripping some cardboard and fanning the BBQ. I’m not sure why I do it, but for some reason the food tastes better that way. And when my son asks me why I do what I do, I simply respond, “Hokees… That’s the way you BBQ!”

If I were a betting man, I would place money that in every Armenian family, you can find either an Ani or a Lucy (or some derivitive of Lucy like Lucineh or Lucine). With the myriad of choices available in naming girls, Armenians will generally name their daughters either Ani or Lucy. Of course, not everyone will name their girls Ani and Lucy, but most will.

Actually, I’m not complaining that Armenians name their daughters Ani and Lucy. If you think about it, it’s easier to say than something like Ankhosig or Medstikin. Not that there is anything wrong with those names, but I would take having Ani’s and Lucy’s be overused than Ankhosig. (Ok, take your foot out of your mouth!)

Try doing this for fun. Whenever you see or walk by a crowd of Armenian girls, yell out, “Lucy” or “Ani” and you are bound to have a out 50% of that crowd turn around with an “Eench’eh?” look on their face.

Do not argue with an Armenian about current events because you are likely to lose. Armenians are always up on the news from around the world. And since the Armenian community is relatively small when you consider all of humanity, most of the news is about everyone but Armenians. (And since a lot of news is bad news, that may not be a bad thing!) I’m kind of glad that the news from Armenia is not that exciting most of the time.

Armenians will subscribe to every 24-hour news channel (especially the foreign ones like Al-Jazeera) just to make sure that no news passes on them. They will devour newspapers, listen to the radio (think shortwave), and of course glue themselves to the TV set.

Of course, most of the information is relatively trivial (which may be the reason why Armenians are generally good at “Trivial Pursuits”). But all that information adds up in the mind of an Armenian, which will strengthen his or her arguments when it comes to politics or other curent event controversy.

Unfortunately, Armenians are not born with many filters that help them figure out whether the news story is legit or a fair assessment of what really happened. And add an Armenian’s propensity toward embellishment, you have Armenians believing preposterous things and take on positions that may not be the most politcially correct.