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OK, so who doesn’t like things that are free? I know it is in our blood (as humans, not as Armenians) to try to get free stuff—whether it be free credit cards, free jam, free books, or free tv. Free is better than “costs money.”

But Armenians really really like things that are free. Armenians will stand in any line, no matter how long and no matter what the product so that they can the free widget. You might think to yourself, “but wait, time is money. Shouldn’t an Armo be concerned that they are spending their time in long lines?” You would think, huh?!? But Armenians don’t like the idea of spending money on anything they can get for free. Maybe it’s the Middle Eastern Culture or the Soviet one. Or maybe, it’s just the Armenian way.

Consider this anecdote: The day that God was giving out noses to the peoples of the world, the Armenians didn’t show up because they didn’t think they needed them. When they found out that they were free, Armenians quickly cut to the front of the line and asked for the biggest ones available! (As you can tell, this anecdote captures a few different elements of Armenian culture.

I have already mentioned that Armenians love their coffee. But what I didn’t elaborate on is how much Armenians love to read the coffee cups after they are done drinking their Turkish Coffee. You can get the history of reading coffee cups here.

The argument of where we Armenians got the idea that we can get our fortunes from these bitter grains, is like which came first the chicken or the egg. Turks will claim that they perfect the art and we Armenians stole it, whereas we Armenians will claim that the Turks stole it from us, like everything else.

Regardless, Armenians believe (and I mean BELIEVE) that your cup of coffee WILL tell your fortune. This is no joke or child’s play. The lines will reveal whether you will get married, how many kids you have, if you will die soon and whether you should invest your money in Philip Morris. In other words, Armenians believe that when all else fails the coffee will declare your fortunes.

What baffles me is that Armenians are pretty religious people (after all, we are the first Christian nation), and you would think that turning to God and the Scriptures may offer vision and direction in life. But, I don’t think it would be as much of a hit at the patio table pulling out a Bible after drinking coffee.

So how do you read a coffee cup like an Armo? First, you drink out the coffee and leave some of the grounds on the bottom. You flip the cup over and wait a few minutes for the grounds to stain their way down the cup, then you need to find an older woman to do it. She will be known (and trusted) as the person who reads coffee cups. And once Aunty settles herself in her chair with a serious look, she will put on her glasses and look into the cup. Her first response will be something like, “hmmm… oh … ok… wow!” You become excited. What is she about to say? And then she will see lines which mean something. She will see a house and claim that you are moving. She will see a broken heart and shake her head and curse that you will not find true love.

If you are disappointed by the read, don’t worry! The next time you drink a cup, you just flip it again and you will most likely get a completely different read.

The gift that keeps on giving in the Armenian community is that one of our most common words, “Hi” is a homonym for Armenians. In Armenian, “Armenian” is “hye.” (Pronounced ‘hi’)

So Armenians will naturally write, “Hi” as “Hye” (especially in emails). You can identify an Armenian whenever you see the “Hi” or even “High” spelled “Hye”. So businesses will be called things like “Hye Quality.” To the untrained mind, it may seem that these Armenians can’t spell (of course, they may not be able to spell, but this is not what should press you to conclude that).

In my opinion, spelling things “Hye” is cute and witty the first couple times. Maybe the third and fourth time as well. But it’s no longer creative or unique to do that. Of course, spelling things “Hye” may be a way to communicate to others that “I am Armenian.” But we have to remember, that sometimes that may be more of a liability than an asset (depending on how people perceive / judge Armenians)