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I have already mentioned that Armenians love their coffee. But what I didn’t elaborate on is how much Armenians love to read the coffee cups after they are done drinking their Turkish Coffee. You can get the history of reading coffee cups here.

The argument of where we Armenians got the idea that we can get our fortunes from these bitter grains, is like which came first the chicken or the egg. Turks will claim that they perfect the art and we Armenians stole it, whereas we Armenians will claim that the Turks stole it from us, like everything else.

Regardless, Armenians believe (and I mean BELIEVE) that your cup of coffee WILL tell your fortune. This is no joke or child’s play. The lines will reveal whether you will get married, how many kids you have, if you will die soon and whether you should invest your money in Philip Morris. In other words, Armenians believe that when all else fails the coffee will declare your fortunes.

What baffles me is that Armenians are pretty religious people (after all, we are the first Christian nation), and you would think that turning to God and the Scriptures may offer vision and direction in life. But, I don’t think it would be as much of a hit at the patio table pulling out a Bible after drinking coffee.

So how do you read a coffee cup like an Armo? First, you drink out the coffee and leave some of the grounds on the bottom. You flip the cup over and wait a few minutes for the grounds to stain their way down the cup, then you need to find an older woman to do it. She will be known (and trusted) as the person who reads coffee cups. And once Aunty settles herself in her chair with a serious look, she will put on her glasses and look into the cup. Her first response will be something like, “hmmm… oh … ok… wow!” You become excited. What is she about to say? And then she will see lines which mean something. She will see a house and claim that you are moving. She will see a broken heart and shake her head and curse that you will not find true love.

If you are disappointed by the read, don’t worry! The next time you drink a cup, you just flip it again and you will most likely get a completely different read.

I love Armenian food. There is no question in my mind that Armenian food is objectively the best food out there, and nothing beats Armenian food that is grilled. Armenians know how to BBQ. But Armenians won’t BBQ with the new gas grill you pick up at your Home Depot for a couple of G’s. Nope… When Armenians BBQ, they get the coal out and the most important piece of cooking equipment—the cardboard.

On any given weekend afternoon, there are bound to be old Armenian men, with cigarettes in hand waving an old piece of cardboard above the grill, as a way to increase windflow or redirect the smoke from the kebabs. I’ve never really understood the purpose of the cardboard. And I’ve asked. I’ve asked Grandpa and Dad why we use an old piece of cardboad. “What purpose does it serve?” I ask innocently.

The response is always the same. “That’s the way you BBQ!” It never really satisfied my curiosity. But whenever I’m BBQing some kebabs, I find myself ripping some cardboard and fanning the BBQ. I’m not sure why I do it, but for some reason the food tastes better that way. And when my son asks me why I do what I do, I simply respond, “Hokees… That’s the way you BBQ!”

Americans have chips and salsa. Armenians have pistachio nuts. At every Armenian gathering, you always have mixed nuts with the pistachio nut forming the foundation of the nut dish. Along with pistachio nuts, you’ll also see different kinds of seeds.

Now there is a proper way of eating these nuts. You grab a handful of the nuts and seeds. And though there may be some things in your hand that you don’t care for, it is improper etiquette to return that seed back to the plate. Also, it shows your weakness as a nut eater.

If you don’t believe me that Armenians love their nuts (especially the pistachio nuts), take a close look at an Armenian’s two front teeth. That’s right, that little groove you see is there after years of nut and seed eating.

Armenians love their nuts.

Armenians love to eat. And who can blame us? Armenian food is fantastic. But sometimes it seems that Armenians like to talk about food more than eating food. How did it taste? How did it look? Does it stand to Medz-Mama’s recipe? And of course the ultimate question of all: Aghe keecher? (Did it lack salt?)

Armenians always have to give their two-cents about a meal they just tasted—especially when they are invited to another’s home. Because no meal is ever perfect or even decent, the food that someone has labored all day will never meet the standard of an Armenian person.

A dinner party on Saturday night will be talked about on the phone lines (especially among the women) for days to come. Some of it is debriefing the meal, some of it is complaining, some of it is gossip (did you see what she wore?), and some of it may just be that the women like to hear themselves talk (in no way was that intended as a sexist comment, just an observation).

I hate to break the news to you, but if you have hosted an Armenian person for dinner, just know that everything about your party is fodder for  conversation in the coming week. But don’t worry, the chatter will die down by Monday morning of the following week when the next host’s meal is debriefed.

Armenians love their coffee. In Armenia, the food pyramid has Coffee at the very bottom of the pyramid providing a much needed healthy foundation to the Armenian nutritional system. And of course, it is not just any type of coffee. Armenians are not downing the Frappuccinos three or four times a day. Instead, they are drinking “Turkish Coffee.”

Now this is one of the paradoxes of the Armenian people—the national beverage is named after their much hated enemy. Some Armenians have re-branded the “Turkish Coffee” by calling it “Haygagan Soorj.” But we all know that whatever you call it, it’s still “Turkish Coffee.”

Some Armenians will swear that the only way to drink this bitter drug is to add sugar to it. Armenians are still at a loss as to what is the most authentic way of drinking this nectar of the gods. Do you drink it black or add two sugars? At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter because the drink is still bitter.

Though it looks like an espresso shot, Turkish Coffee is everything but that. You can see and feel the fine grounds of the coffee making their way through the gaps of your teeth and sliding down your throat like mud. Armenians would inject this if they could. They drink it four or five times a day. It is often drank with a cigarette (or two) and there is nearly always the customary reading of the cup upon completion where the Armenian realizes for the upteenth time that their is “trouble looming on the horizon.”