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John McCain prides himself as a straight-talker, but he’s got nothing on Armenians. Armenians are the original straight-talkers. They have no shame and no mercy to tell it as it is, especially when it comes to describing how people look. They will tell you (even to your face) that you’re too thin, too ugly, too smelly and too fat.

It’s not that they mean you harm. In fact, they have no idea that calling you fat is insulting. And believe me, Armenians are not meaning to be offensive and mean. Mean spiritidness is not high on the “characters” list for Armenians. Instead, Armenians will claim that telling you that you have gained a little pudge is truth-telling. You may not realize that you have gained a few pounds since the last holiday gathering. Perhaps, you don’t realize that that shirt doesn’t fit you very well, and we’d hate for you to embarass yourself by wearing that again. So, think of the Armenian as your best buddy, as someone who will tell you as it is because we want the best for you.

You might argue that Armenians could use a litlte more tact in communication, but remember, tact is not a value for Armenians. You are not going to find tact among Armenians, but did I mention that you’ll find people who will gladly call you fat?

So here’s my advice on how to respond the “fat” comment:

• Don’t call the person fat back. Why? Because usually the person who is calling you fat to your face is little old grandma, and such ‘disrespect’ won’t get you far (and besides, it will show you to be defensive).
• Work on losing a little weight before you see everyone–i.e. the family. Even if you lose half a pound, that’s enough, cause you can respond with all integrity, “Actually, I’ve lost a little weight.”
• Blame it on the fact that you’ve quit smoking. (And if you’re Armenian, than chances are you are a smoker!)

Good Luck!

“Oooooo… Eeeeee… Goooo goooo….. ” you hear Aunty’s high pitched voice squealing at the new baby in the house. Armenians love babies. Armenian women love babies. When you have your first child, make sure you prepare your cute, innocent, gentle, fragile baby for the overwhelming presence of the “family” when it comes to visit.

The moment Aunty steps in the house, it’s game over. Her perfume will take over the baby’s (sweet) smell. Her lipsticks will stain your baby’s cheeks. And most importantly, her squeal will vibrate in your inner-ear for days to come.

Babies are the next generation of the Armenian community. They represent our best hope for our survival and we have no choice but to trust our Aunties to make sure that they are as Armenian as possible. When the family visits, note that you will hear a myriad of advice on how to best care for this little being. Armenians are never short on giving advice and suggestions as to how you should lead your life and rear your children.

If anything though, thank God that you have 40 days of bonding time with your kid before the visitors come. For some reason, Armenians (as much as they love the baby) will give you exactly 40 days to spend alone time with your child before they visit and visit and visit.

Never be offended at the unsolicited advice that comes from the mouth of your Armenian friend. Instead, smile and thank them for the precious words that will guide you and your family to keep the Armenian legacy alive!

Enough Said

If I were a betting man, I would place money that in every Armenian family, you can find either an Ani or a Lucy (or some derivitive of Lucy like Lucineh or Lucine). With the myriad of choices available in naming girls, Armenians will generally name their daughters either Ani or Lucy. Of course, not everyone will name their girls Ani and Lucy, but most will.

Actually, I’m not complaining that Armenians name their daughters Ani and Lucy. If you think about it, it’s easier to say than something like Ankhosig or Medstikin. Not that there is anything wrong with those names, but I would take having Ani’s and Lucy’s be overused than Ankhosig. (Ok, take your foot out of your mouth!)

Try doing this for fun. Whenever you see or walk by a crowd of Armenian girls, yell out, “Lucy” or “Ani” and you are bound to have a out 50% of that crowd turn around with an “Eench’eh?” look on their face.

I am not joking when I say that I have heard several Armenians tell me that Andre Agassi’s original name was actually Agassian. This former champion is in fact half-Armenian. His father is of Armenian ancestry from Iran. Because Andre Agassi has an ounce of Armenian in him, he is automatically loved/adored by Armenians. Armenians love their own and Agassi is one of their own.

It doesn’t matter whether Andre cares much for the Armenian community or if he is at all in touch with that part of his life. It doesn’t even matter if Andre despises Armenians because affiliation covers all other sins.

If Andre were a no-name plumber, he would not be that loved by Armenians. But because Andre is someone famous, he is automatically plunged to the top of the “People Armenians Love” list. The key theme here is that Armenians love their own. They love to see their own accomplish great things. I used to watch Andre Agassi play and I did idolize him during my teenage years. But not once did I hear Andre Agassi acknowledge and embrace his Armenianness. But who cares because for Armenians seeing someone like Andre accomplish all that he has accomplished is a lesson to the younger generation that you too can be an Armenian champion when you grow up.